Conversation got morning.

It's 5 o'clock in the morning. Conversation got boring. You said you're going to bed soon. So I snuck off to your bedroom. And I thought I'd just wait there. Til I heard you come up the stairs. I pretended I was sleeping. And I was hoping you would creep in. With me

I'm not a fan of routine. At all. It's getting old. I wish I could go to bed at four one night and eleven the next. Or wake up at five and get a coffee. Drive into the morning fog wearing an old jacket and wasting the day away doing nothing. Or sleep it away and wake up the next night. I'm craving a change. I mean right now I don't have much of a choice. I can't go driving and drink stale lattes. I have school. And I can't stay up till five reading blogs and talking to random europeans. I have to get up early. Maybe I can work out something. Spice things up. Try something new. But consistency says no. And that right now change isn't what I need. It's what I want. But it's not what I'll get.

Before the dawn heals us.

Told that my blog is getting boring because I keep writing about the same thing. Probably true. I'm thinking of something new. I need to go in another direction. Kind of want to go outside and lay in the grass for a little bit. Stare at the clouds like I did when I was little. But I'm too old. And the neighbors look at me funny.

Since you've gone I've lost a chip on my shoulder.

The internet was out all afternoon. That was awesome. So I spent the whole time channel surfing and picking at my face. These black heads are going to kill me. The search for a nice comfortable oversize sweater is a bust. I can find nothing. And then while reading blogs I found these photos and realized I desperately want to go back to DC.

Lincoln Memorial is best. Well that's all for now. Keeping things short and sweet for ya. If only my life was that easy...

Photographs by Cavaan

Falling down.

Sometimes I wish for a mental breakdown. So people finally notice me. See me for something different. And realize that I'm not okay.

Bringing it back.

Upon browsing the internet for manual cameras (I'm finally taking the time to look) I was pleased and disappointed all at the same time. I was happy to find a manual camera that seemed reliable and easy to use. But upon further looking at this beautiful camera (otherwise known as a EOS ELAN 7NE) I found that it wasn't being made anymore. Photography is now dead to me. Once I get my manual I will refuse to lay a hand on my digital. It's really sad. And I thought that was bad enough. So after remembering about the HOLGA cameras I decided to take a look at their site and check out what they had to offer. Unfortunately every page I clicked on read this message...

I'm afraid to say that until this very moment they have been closed. The unassuming Holga is here to save you from a future of digital pixels and images shared on small screens on cameras or phones. We have all become numbed with photography, there is no denying it, but a chunky camera made almost entirely of plastic has been put on this Earth to save us. It will reawaken your vision, fill you with joy, make you see beauty when you thought it had disappeared forever, and bring out sunshine on a cloudy day. The unassuming Holga is here to save the analogue junky in a digital world. You no longer have to fear a future of digital pixels and images shared on small camera screens or phones. A chunky camera made almost entirely of plastic has been put on this Earth to save us.

I'm hoping this is just an away message and not a goodbye letter. What else is new in the fall of manual photography? Well The Impossible project teaming up with UO to bring back polaroid cameras and film. How sad is it that we now have to fight for our manual cameras. Because the mainstream soccer mom and scene kid in Wisconsin wanted all ill light badly edited photos in one convenient location. So you know what I say?

FUCK THE DIGITAL REVOLUTION.

I'm scared of what they can do next. We can always buy our cameras on ebay and stuff. But it's sad that you can't walk in a store knowing ahead of time they'll have the supplies for a manual you need. I know with my polaroid I walked into every store and knew the answer was going to be no before I even asked. Maybe next they'll just take away our film completely. A little extreme I know. But if no one makes manual cameras why does anyone need to make film. It's cause and effect. We wouldn't keep making toasters if the world stopped consuming bread. There'd be no market (Don't ask why I used toasters) Let's just hope this "impossible project" works out and let's big camera companies know there are still real artists out there that can and want to learn to appreciate the esthetic and process of a manual camera. I'm done ranting. G' night.

It's sad but it's true how society says that her life is already over.

She's thinking how did I get here. I'm doing all that I can.

Ever since he can remember. People have died in his good name.

I couldn't run today. I was too exhausted. Lame ass excuse? Probably. Today's been a weird one. I can't really describe what I've been feeling. It's almost like a depression. But the mood only lasts for a few moments. I think it's all over the fact of what I still can't have. I still want that feeling of security. Of someone holding me and making me feel okay. I'm not sure. I always say that. I'm just really confused right now as you can tell. I'm just not sure what anything means anymore.

There's a rumor going around school about me. I wouldn't care if it wasn't true. But it is. And I don't think I can do damage control this time.

I've been thinking about other things too. About myself. What makes me me. And I wish more people cared to know. Cared to know what's behind the immature mask of this tall pale kid that only wears v necks. Because that's definitely not me. I'm not myself. I can't be. I wish someone would care enough to find out. I'm sorry for the rambling. I can't even get my thoughts straight let alone type them into this blog. I think I'm going to go take a shower and stare at the ceiling. I fucking hate this. I really do.

Photograph via The Dream Walking Society

Closer to heaven.

I'm in love with this blog. Almost as much if not more than Streethearts.

This reminds me of Brandon Flower's jacket. I want it... Also I got my shoes. They look vintage and retro and I love it. Can't wait till they get all beat up. I need more clothes. I wish I had money. Here's your new love. Stylesightings

I update you all on my simple life because I love you.

Just one of those days? I guess so. Not bad like all of last week. Just a little busy and unplanned. I stayed up late last night to get more time. Woke up this morning realizing I had worn nothing to bed but boxers and was freezing my ass off. School was school. Just more confusing. And after I went down to Broadripple with Rachael. But came back early for other reasons. Ran my mile. With a little extra. Did all my crunches and push ups (I really hope this does something for me. My legs are sore as hell) Homework was kicking my ass. But I finished Catcher in the Rye so I can't complain. I'm really not. Just informing. Been hanging out the rest of the night. Listening to anything I can get my hands on and trying to get a conversation going with anyone. Preferably someone that will keep me up till eleven again... Are my posts getting boring? I think they might be. Well bear with me. I'm tryin'

Lower your eyelids to die with the sun.

The Catcher in the Rye has been amazing. I'm almost done but I can already tell it's going to be a favorite for a long time. Unless some stupid shitty ending ruins it for me. Bright Shiny Morning is still number one though. I want to read it again. I have a stack of ten books on my dresser I need to get through before I can consider rereading anything.

I've been running a lot. I have a new routine. Get home from school. Run a mile. Walk a mile. Do at least one hundred crunches. Do those weird things that are supposed to tone your sides. And attempt to do as many push ups as possible. Key word attempt. Those don't really do anything for me. But hey I'm trying.

After last week when I thought nothing could get any better it did. I'm creating new relationships and meeting new people. Keeping up with old ones. My computer is fixed and ready to be picked up. Life is just getting better. Or at least I'm convinced it is. I hope it is...

Side note: Listen to this. Genius

More room inspiration.

I don't think it's ever going to happen...

I really need to get some shit done but I have no idea what to do. Maybe I'll work out? Maybe. haha

Photographs from The Selby

I guess you were afraid of what everyone is made of.

I'm forcing myself to write a post. It's hard without all my photos. I feel like I have nothing for you guys. Little bit of a recap: After a month of expecting the worst out of this relationship (using the term very loosely) things are looking up. The only thing that ever really went wrong was my anxiety. I hate myself for it. I need more sleep and some Zanax. Things are busy. School is a drag. But I didn't expect a lot out of it. I bought an Under The Radar (indie magazine) and reading it makes me regret renewing my SPIN subscription for another year. I should of known it was all going downhill issue wise after U2 graced the cover this summer. I wonder if you can end it early... Probably not. After an informal conversation and seeing the shirt for it on I Love Fake I finally bought The Catcher in the Rye. It's a little dry but I'm sure considering it's such a fucking hit it'll turn up for me. I have three new pimples. I counted. And I'm not sure how they got there. A friend lent me an old textbook on philosophy that's actually proved to be really interesting. But to be blunt I think there's much better references out there and I'm giving it back to her Monday. Sorry. I think I'm getting ridiculously close to getting my dad to let me redo my room. I just need a few days where I don't have anything going on and he's in a good mood. I'm considering working out again to get my swimmer body back. I feel unfuckable. Other than the fact that my computer is in the shop and I can only rely on Pink Mountaintops and St. Vincent videos on youtube for music life has been okay. I can expect more out of it. But as for now I'm fairly content. Not happy. But close. Everyone have a great sunday. I'll probably post something tonight <3

I think hej means hello.

Is it strange that I want to learn to speak swedish? For no other reason than to be able to say I speak it. I mean that's not the ONLY one. But I feel like it's so fluent and melodic. I'm curious. Will I ever use it? Probably not. But what harm can it do? Three languages are better than one. Second is french which is a work in progress. I found this article by an american on learning the swedish language which I found humorous.

Picture this: I come up to a café and attempt to order a “liten latte snälla”, said in what is seen as a typical American accent. The response I often times get goes something like: “so you want a small latte for here or to go.” Defeated, I say “for here.” To which I get the reply “so where are you from?”. Upon discovering that I am in fact from L.A., I then get asked questions from how to plan a Route 66 trip to best places to hang out in L.A.

Also sweden has some pretty awesome accomplishments. They gave us Lykke Li and Loney Dear. Awesome street fashion blogs. And cute Europeans. I mean Stockholm may be a little cold. But it's all good. Long live the swedes? Maybe. If that's even what they're called...

She is with the sun. And it's out here.

Now that you're awake. Everything seems different. I look around. But there's nothing at all. Put on my shoes, I then find that she is still in her pajamas. Then found in a dream. I'm hung by anticlimax. She is with the sun. And it's out here. But where are you... Go on a journey. And roam the streets. Can't see the way out and so use the stars. She sits for eternity and then climbs out. She's the glowing sun. So come out. I awake from a nightmare. My heart is beating out of control… I've become so used to this craziness. That it's now compulsory. And here you are... I'm feeling... And here you are, Glowing sun... And here you are, Glowing sun... And here you are, Glowing sun... And here you are...

Inspiration at it's finest. I hope everyone has a good week. And I hope this puts it off to a good start.

Photograph via The Dream Walking Society

And the saga continues.

With the sinking of feeling of what may of happened. The realization that it did. And the aftermath. With me just now picturing it in my head. Picturing what could of been me. And it sucks. And I hate it. But I can't stop now. I need something. I need some hope. And you've given it to me. And I've believed you. I still do.

The cactus are in full bloom.

I've been really into interior design lately. Not like I want to get into the field or anything. Just me scouring websites trying to find what I'd like my room to be. It's be the same for eleven years. And I'm ready for a change. Here's a vague idea of what I'd like it to be with photos.

I'm trying to take a minimalist approach with the accessories as a main focus. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully this post will suppress the obsession over eclectic apartments for a while. But I'm guessing not.

Photographs via The Selby

It fucks with your honor. And it teases your head.

I'm tired of my digital camera. It's really not fun anymore. I feel like now anyone can go out and buy one. Stick in a memory card. And shoot away. It's disappointing. Photography is no longer an art as much as it's recreational. Anyone thinks they can do it. Anyone can buy a fancy ass camera and get great colours or amazing bokeh. It's not hard. It's not a challenge. And I want a challenge. So my new idea is to finally get myself a 35mm. I have to many cameras to begin with. I get one. Use it nonstop for two weeks. Then get another. I just need to find one I want to stick with. And I think the manual is it. I like the feel better. I like knowing you have to make the most out of one shot because it could be your last. It's a little bit a thrill to be honest. And to be successful. I think you need to learn to appreciate a manual camera. The problem with todays young aspiring photographers is that they can't appreciate anything other then what they've created. They think they're right. Digital and photoshop is the only way to create a memorable photo. They have no inspiration other then the stock photos they find online. Attempting to recreate the same thing over and over until another ends up on the same site right next to the original one. I'm not like that. I like to try something new. And this might just be what I'm looking for. So if anyone has any suggestions on types, techniques, film, and basically anything that is the manual camera you can hit me up on anderson.mcintyre@gmail.com. I'm actually really excited.

This time I'll be bulletproof.

I'm addicted to this remix of La Roux's Bulletproof. It's too bad Mtv got to her first. Mtv ruins everything. But we still love The Real World.

I'm sorry it took me so long to finally write for you guys. But you might want to start expecting weekly updates rather then you're twice a days. I'd ease out of it if I could. So I'm wrapping up my first week of my sophomore year. And it's definitely been unexpected. Unexpected good though. New faces. New reactions. New outlook. New confidence. New classes. New experiences. It's going to be a good year. I can feel it. But I still have my get in get out attitude. And it seems to be working. I'm hoping I can keep it up.

I'd love to tell you I have more to write about. But I really don't. I've just been catching up with old friends. Studying. And trying to figure out how to fit three peoples worth of books and binders in one locker. More updates soon. Almost Friday right? Thank god

Side note: Ricky is shaved. I love it

Side side note: I'm putting up new blog links in my sidebar. Make sure to check them out

Photograph via The Dog Days Are Over

Three more years.

Let's get this shit over with. Tomorrow I start my second year of high school. My new mentality. This is only three years of my life. I could live until I'm one hundred. So I'll get through every day the best I can. If I make a new friend. Great. If someone says something about me. Whatever. This isn't my life. I'm going to on to bigger and better things. And come summer time. Maybe I'll fall in love again. And we'll go through the cycle once more. Then we have my third year. Same mentality. Until I graduate. I'll do the best I can. I'll please my parents with good grades. I'll make myself happy. I'll ignore what anyone else says. I don't care anymore. I'm just going to get in and get out. No drama. No worries. Just what I need to make it. Sounds boring? I can do boring. It's only three more years.

Thanks summer. You were fun while you lasted.

Photograph by Bobby Whigham

Creatures in flight. Let's be creatures of the night.

I found that damn bag that I couldn't before our trip to Michigan. It would of been the perfect size. But the world likes to work against me.

I leave very early tomorrow morning. And although I wasn't planning on writing things have been slow tonight and I thought I would get some things off my chest. Maybe not that since this will be suggestive as usual. I just thought it may help something. After a long conversation last night of me venting and occasional but helpful advice I felt much better. But today what I was dreading might happen did. I hope you don't read this. And sometimes I think maybe you found it. Maybe that's why you won't talk like you used to. I can only hope things like the way you looked at me the other night. Subtle hints that I hope are subtle hints. Is you keeping up with everything you told me. I just have to say long distance anything sucks. And when you're in my situation, and it's the only possibility. It gets hard. It's hard not being to look someone in the eyes and trying to find out what they really mean. It's hard to sit in front of a screen and talk about how you can't wait to kiss and cuddle. And in the back of your mind you know that may not happen. Am I giving up? Of course not. I'm just paranoid. And I know that's not how you work but sometimes I wish you'd be like how you used to be. Even though I know you're really the same person. I think it could happen. I still believe in you if you'll believe in me. It sounds so dumb and childish but I want this to work. I'm afraid that someone else like you would never fall for me. That I'm not worth anyone like you. And if you leave me I'll be left with nothing.

Come tuesday when I have to go back at school. I'll wake up at five. Get ready. And Fall back into the routine. Slowly forgetting about everything I learned this summer. The people I met. The people I came closer to. Slowly vanishing. Until the workload becomes to much. And I blog about how stressful everything is. So for now I'll just keep talking about me and my love story. The last two chapters of it. Falling in and out of love constantly where the only thing I can depend on is a best friend who I might not be where I am now without. I know I may forget this year. But I hope I won't. And come next summer maybe things will be different. And maybe something will turn up. I want a change. I want a relationship. And right now I'm ready for it. I hope on tuesday people notice something different. Because I have changed. I have grown. I'm ready for anything.

I apologize for the rambling. And I hope I don't come off as obsessed. I'm just falling for them.

A little early afternoon inspiration.

I still want a manual camera... Well I'm off to pack. I leave for Chicago early tomorrow morning. I may do a small post before I leave. But if I don't you all have a great weekend

I hope you feel the way I do.

During the beginning of an informal facebook conversation where once again I placed the topic on myself I came to realize where my emotions lie. Lately I've been on the fence. With anything good or bad pushing my mood in that direction. And I think right now there are so many factors in my life contributing to where my mood will lie. I'm scared of the future. Regretting the past. Excited for change. And happy to meet new people. There's been no in the middle. I'm either bad because I think they don't feel the same way or happy because they tell me they do. Of course it always comes down to relationships right? Yes. Well either way I'll just have to wait it out. I can only hope for the best. And expect the worst.

Another wasted love story.

It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses.

I'm ready for someone like that. I'm ready to feel important. I'm ready to have someone there that wouldn't get bored if we just talked and cuddled. I'm ready for the one... or at least someone close.

Photograph by Viktor Vautier

And when they fight, they fight.

I'd love to sit here and blog about everything that happened today. A conversation I had last night that might mean where I end up someday. How excited I am for Chicago. And how anxious I am for school. But.. I'm in no state of mind. I'm in one of those small talk tired but can't sleep so I'll just keep refreshing internet pages kind of mood. Hope everyone has a great night

Another current obsessions and inspirations.

Another amazing photographer. This time all by Viktor Vauthier. His photos are quote All in films no bullshit. And I'd have to agree. Makes me want to go get a 35 mm and someone to photograph. But until then we can just drool over these.

I think I posted this one because I'm in love with the guys outfit on the right.

Another inspiration is a photo I remembered from an old photography class. I fell in love with it at the time and had forgotten about it for a while after. But here it is. For you all to enjoy too

Photograph by Sally Mann

I just realized all of these photos are manual. Maybe Hipster Runoff was right... It's time to retire your old pocket digitals children. Manual cameras are in again. All right. Coco's breath stinks and I need to water the plants. Have a nice tuesday.

Ninety's sitcoms and random thoughts.

I like how my days start not when I wake up but a few hours before I actually decide to get some sleep. And today started off in a good way. With a question game that turned into a discussion on religion, me opening up and not regretting it, and lastly a very satisfying skype call. No. I didn't have cam sex... perverts. When I woke up seven hours later I realized I had made a huge mistake. No one was online on any of my social networks. So of course in my desperate attempt to find some way not to go completely insane I decided to lounge on the couch and watch reruns of old ninety's sitcoms. The constant raining makes me I think a day like today would be much more enjoyable if I didn't already do this sort of thing everyday this summer.

The dog is looking at me funny.

I feel like I need to clean my face again.

I'm still convinced Sonic doesn't exist.

Eating popcorn makes me feel like a fat ass. Even though that's the only thing I ate today...

That's all for now. More posts tonight. I promise

It's going.

Internet drama. It's bull shit. I'm over all of it. I'm ready for school. I'm ready to be able to sort out problems face to face. I'm ready to meet people that you know are who they say they are. People are different behind a keyboard. It possesses them. Morphs what they would normally say into something they only wish they could. No. I didn't have an encounter with a fake. But I'm starting to think people aren't quit who they first seemed to be. A relationship I so hoped had substance could be slipping through my finger tips. Someone give me an intervention. This computer will be my death.

I want to see city lights.

I want to get coffee at one in the morning. I want to spend my days shopping at hipster stores and browsing art galleries. I want to hang out in vegan cafes. I want to take a taxi to get back to my apartment. I want to intern for a photographer. I want to meet new people whenever I go out. I want to breathe stale city air. I want to look out my window and see lights.

Lately I've been feeling more and more like I'm ready to get out of this town. I know I won't find love here. I know I won't find success here. I know I won't find happiness here. And I know I won't find myself here. I need to be in the city. Someone rescue me while you can. The suburbs are killing us.