To breathe new air.

I wish I lived in the city. That I could wake up in the morning. That I could sit on the roof of my apartment building. Staring at the horizon. Waiting for the sun. Watching for the new day. It's 2:26 in the morning here. I can't sleep. My mind is racing. New ideas. New acquaintances. New fleets. I'm ready to start over. I'm ready for my new beginning. I'm ready to see the sun rising above the other rooftops. I'm ready.

To feel some sort of social belonging.

The night is long in paris, especially when you have no plan, we take out our phones and call the people we don't even know that long, the strangers we just met, to feel some sort of social belonging. Our hopes are getting up to spend one more evening like the one we had before. An addiction starts to take us over, the search for that infinite rush makes us mad, as we keep looking for familiar marks that brought us to the nights where we lost ourselves completely. We want to find the path to freedom, to revive the moment, to relive our memory, with all the same characters in it, the ones we've cherished, the ones who made us laugh, who took us over the edge, the ones we've already said goodbye to and have forgotten us.

We move to another nameless place and find ourselves lonely in a capital city where we would imagine greatness is bound to happen. It's always another adventure to go in to the night alone, not knowing what will cross our path, but anxious, and out of breath, waiting for someone to rescue us from the quiet alley we're waiting in. We walk around looking for that spark, that moment we had, that high that we have felt before, desperately, seeking for it in every corner, and our faces change from hope in to something else as time passes by. As the sadness is about to take over, we refuse and force to walk another route to paradise. Dissapointing faces change in to smiles, another location is found to keep us for the night. Hand in hand we walk in to oblivion, our hearts racing, knowing what will come next, we are filled with new found hope. Time has come again to take us to that other level of sanity, or insanity as some people would call it, we don't care, this is what we've been searching for. We take it in with one last breath, we are here, no regrets, everything is possible from now on, boundaries change in to bonding, friends in to fornication, under the influence we speak fluently, a new day is about to rise, the sun comes up and lights the room up with whiteness, a proof of life, when the night changes in to day and we don't even know where we are, or how we will get home, we are here, as we are awake, alive, deadly and ready for more... Anything to keep us from sleeping, anything but that...

Seen on the blogs I Love Fake and Photography, Romance, & Cigarettes

Photograph by Viktor Vauthier

The inter-titles in our silent picture show.

I think I'm going to start over with my photography. I'm so done with it. I feel like all my photos are mediocre and over edited. People tell me they like them. But that's not good enough. That's not where I need to be right now. I should be so much better. So I have a new plan. Come November take the opportunity to study in Paris next summer no matter what. Intern with photographers any opportunity I get. And find some damn models so I can finally try my hand at fashion photography. That's what I should of done this summer. School is coming up but maybe when I get in the mode of everything the photography will go along with it. I know I have the basis and where I want to go with my photos that all I need now is some guidance, new techniques, and new inspiration. I have a feeling it's going to take a long time to get to where I want to be. But I'm ready. Stay tuned

You know you want to know.

More about Anderson. Here it is. This is everything I could think of. If you have something I didn't answer feel free to comment or message me and ask whatever.

- My plans for the future are always changing

- I want to learn as much as possible

- I plan on being fluent in french by the time I finish college

- I live off of books

- Don't take everything I say seriously. I'm very sarcastic

- One of the top things on my bucket list is to visit Japan

- I have a different taste in music

- When I'm online and really bored. After I've exhausted Urban Outfitters website and the SocialVibe forums I just keep refreshing the Facebook home page waiting for something to happen...

- I decide whether you're worth getting to know the first time I meet you. It's something I need to work on

- I'm a reality/celebreality television junkie

- The main thing I apsire for in my life is peace. Within myself and with people I meet everyday. Because I think once I achieve that everything else in my life will just fall into place

- I'm really interested in anything that is the twentieth century

- The environment is really one of the only controversial topics that I can get into

- Over the years I've always had something about me that someone could exploit and make fun of

- I never leave the house without my cellphone, wallet, and iPod. They're like my children

- I only like summer

- I shave my stomach

- I have a thing for cologne

- I always think I need more deep vs

- I say mazal tov and I'm not jewish

- I wish I had tattoos

- I love my dogs but I wish they were bigger

- I'm marrying up

- If I get married at all

- I'm scared of storms

- I'm an aries

- I have a hard time wearing anything but neutrals

- I can't spell

- I worry about what other think of me whenever I go out

- I think abstinence is a load of shit

- I'm also pro choice

- My favorite movie is Little Miss Sunshine

- I used to do tae kwon do

- I like vanilla soft serve

- I don't eat red meat

- I get more text messages from celebrities on twitter than my friends in real life

- I've been agnostic for a while. But lately I've been considering Buddhism because I dont really like not having anything

- I like road trips

- I don't nap. Ever

- I like cottage cheese. I don't see what's so gross about it

- I get attached to people easily. But it's not hard for me to get over them

- I hate camping

- I can't layer. I'm a shirt and jeans kind of guy

- I don't like to save money

- My kua number is 7

- I don't like the midwest

- I've never been to california but I still consider it my future home

- I feng shui my room

- I'm bad at making decisions

- I talk a lot

- Sometimes the 5 key on my keyboard doesnt work

- One of my guilty pleasures is Kidrobot

- People tell me I'm skinny but I'm convinced I can be more toned

- I'm the one that gets your joke last

- I'd be okay eating sushi the rest of my life

- I think asian chicks are gorgeous

- When I get mad I throw things at people and walls

- I hate when people take a long time to answer my texts

- I can't meditate

- Im not a racist I just have my preferences when it comes to dating

- I speak my mind

- I get stressed out easily

- I like minimalism

- I love polaroids

- I don't really like soda

- Caffeine makes me crazy

- I used to want to be a model

- I don't really think before I say something

- I eat too much junk food

- I used to draw

- I dont understand why m&ms have colours when they all taste exactly the same

- I use colour

- I don't like wearing socks

- Consequently my feet usually smell

- I wish I had a blackberry

- I take 40 minute showers

- I always think of these great ideas and then forget them when I go to write them down

- I work out scenarios in my head

- I have a hard time seeing things from other peoples perspective

- Whenever I get a small cut or have a bruise that wont go away I assume Im going to die

- I hate being proved wrong

- I think we could achieve world peace if we called soccer football and drove on the left side of the road

- I like quiet

- I've never broken a bone or had stitches

- I usually spend 5 hours changing something (from furniture placement to myspace layouts). And when I'm done change it back

- I don't want kids

- Im a horrible driver

- When it comes to bottled water I only drink Fiji Water. And yes there is a difference

- I'm either really good or really bad at lying depending on my mood

- I like shopping... a lot

- I realize a lot of these sound the same

- I like having a plant in my room

- I want a gold bat wing hoodie from American Apparel and an excuse to wear it

- I always have to be in a certain mood to do things

- I complain a lot

- I don't like making my bed

- I'm more comfortable in slim/skinny fit jeans

- I love starbucks

- I like oriental stuff

I'm starting to learn to learn.

That some things are just going to happen. They're inevitable. So instead of thinking of ways to get out of the situation or worry about the outcome you might as well embrace it. Try to make the most out of what seems like the worst. Because chances are when you look back you'll realize it really wasn't that bad.

I wish I could learn to take my own advice...

I don't blame you.

If I had a cat I'd probably name it Potato too.

What has the world come to. Well more specifically the world of pop culture. Yesterday as I was channel surfing while waiting for the finale of Charm School to come on (Congrats Ebony, you deserved it) I stumbled upon a rerun of the MTV Movie Awards. I had no clue these had aired recently. And lucky for me, because than I might of felt obligated to watch. So I'm sitting here watching this and the only thing going through my mind is how screwed up all of it is. Is this what people are going to remember about us fifty years from now. Vampire movies with a poor plot line, homeless actors, white rappers with a bad twitch, corny jokes, and movies that try to hard to be funny. Yeah. I got that out of five minutes. I'm just glad I can say I don't associate myself with any of this mainstream bull shit. Independent for the win.

Coco won't stop scratching on the door...

So I was looking at The Selby again. The site I wrote a whole post about a few weeks ago. Go look at it for me if you haven't. Okay so I found like one of the coolest houses ever. It's so simplistic but still interesting at the same time. White everything with random colour in the form of strange wall decor.

Leave it to two gay men to have one of the coolest houses on the whole site.

Realizing that my latest posts have been quit a bore I spent all of last night and this morning finding new photos and new sites that I can't wait to blog about. I'm really tempted to keep going but I can't spoil it. Definitely more posts very soon. Keep looking out for them

Photographs from The Selby

Well this has been fun. Let's do it again.

I got into a car accident. I've explained it to everyone it seems like so I'm not in the mood to now. What you need to know is that it wasn't my fault and everyone in both cars are okay. We won't have a car for a week but with two more and a motorcycle I don't think anyone is concerned. And then some other stuff came up this afternoon that I'm not really ready to share. Maybe someday. Definitely not what I was expecting when I thought about my plans while getting ready. Sometimes life sucks. I guess I'm used to it.

In lighter news... Yeah. There's no lighter news. People aren't being honest with me when I've already poured my heart out to them. School starts in a few weeks. I have no cash. My future car is in the shop. I never got my starbucks. And I never got to have my movie day with Rachael. FML much?

Sorry about the lack of photos lately. I need some new ones

Green grass of tunnel.

Down from my ceiling. Drips great noise. It drips on my head through a hole in the roof. Behind these two hills here. There's a pool. And when I'm swimming in. Through a tunnel. I shut my eyes. Inside the cabin I make sounds. In through the tubes I send this noise. Behind these two hills here. Fall asleep. And when I float in green grass of tunnel. It flows back. Down from my ceiling. Drips great noise. It drips on my head through a hole in the roof. Behind these two hills here. There's a pool. And when I'm swimming in, through a tunnel.... I shut my eyes.

I just have some thoughts on my mind.

So I think I want to do something simple. Just say something to someone to get it off my chest. I'll do a few depending with what I come up with. Note: Each paragraph is for a different person.

I'm ready to tell you. But I don't know if you're ready to listen.

I'm so confused. One minute you're telling all these things that you like about me. How much you want me to be with you. How we'll wait for each other. And if the mood is right... that you love me. But sometimes the way you talk to me makes me feel like nothing's there. Maybe I'm just naive. Maybe this is what I get for falling for you. But I'm so scared of what you might do. Not in a physical sense but in an emotional one. I'm putting so much out there. And that's what scares me. But I trust you. So I can only hope that even though I can't look into your eyes. That they're showing how much you care. And that you have those feelings too.

I guess I just had two. Leave it to Múm to put me in one of these kinds of moods. I hope you all have a good night. And I may post later. We'll just have to wait and see <3

I feel so productive.

I actually got some shit done today. Not only that but this is my third post and its only eight at night. Wow. So I woke up earlier than usual. Got ready. And although I was home all day today I got a lot done in the sense that my room feels a lot cleaner. When I was younger I used to clean out my room every other week and would get rid of trash bags full of things. And I think I stopped because I was convinced that I had gotten rid of everything I didn't need anymore. But today when I opened my closet, after having a pillow fall in my face and me not being able to find one of my favorite shirts I decided it was about time again for me to pick up my old habit. So here we are three hours and two trash bags later with my closet restored to it's original glory. My goal has always been to own as little as possible just because I think it's a healthier lifestyle. And I think I'm pretty fucking close. At this rate when I move out I'll only have two boxes of things I deem necessary.

Side note: My parents forced me to eat steak tonight. I feel so dirty...

Another side note: I still want to watch Masculine Feminine and 2 Days In Paris

Alright that's all for now. I'm hoping to hang out with some people this weekend so I'll have something to tell you about. You all have a good saturday <3

I'm intrigued.

Cole Mohr’s recent show season, walking for Prada, Burberry, Marc by Marc and his outstanding edits in V magazine and Arena Hommes International mark him as one of the most booked male models of the moment. And trust us that editorial run has converted very nicely into some killer campaign bookings. Stay tuned.

Known for his tattoos.

Muse for Natalie Rodgers.

Status as a bad boy and rising star in the industry.

Named tenth top male model by Forbes.

I want to look into your eyes.

To know if everything you tell me has substance. I hope to god it does...

I'm done waiting.

I don't want to wait for something to happen like all of my online descriptions say. I don't want to wait for you to be ready. I don't want to wait for us to be together. I don't want to wait until I have a car. I don't want to wait for school to start. I don't want to wait to see how things play out. I don't want to wait to show who I really am. I don't want to wait for my tattoo. I don't want to wait till I'm with the one I love. I want all of it now. I want to be in a relationship. I want to cuddle with someone. I want people to know the real me. I want my tattoo. I want my photography to go somewhere. I want to get wasted legally. I want to graduate and find something better. But that's not happening. So until then I'll sit. And I'll blog. About what I can only wish for.

Side note: I don't know why I ever stopped listening to Imogen Heap

Meet me halfway.

So I have a confession to make. It's not exactly something I'm proud of. And a little shameful to admit. But I am officially addicted to the Black Eyed Peas new album. I know the lyrics are simple and repetitive but they're so catchy. I can't get them out of my head. The beats, synths, and vocals all go together to make it perfect. Like I said. This is not something I'm proud of. I should be out looking for some indie band from Brooklyn or a british pop star with an innocent voice and thick bangs but I can't help myself. Let's hope this is just a phase.

So I feel as if I never left Indiana. Like Michigan never happened. I was up all last night online, slept in late today, and spent my morning eating lunchables and watching The Real World. Exactly the same as every other day this summer. Just without the fiji water. But I guess I wasn't expecting it to be any different though.

I have a few more weeks until school starts. I am definitely going to Chicago. And I'm hopefully hanging out with people this weekend. We'll see how the summer wraps up.

I'm home.

I am officially back from New Buffalo and finally on my own computer. So I thought I'd ramble about every little thing that happened and do a day by day thing. But I really don't have the want or the memory of everything that happened to. Maybe some day. I can say it was a good way to get of this house. I got really sunburned. And a lot of the people working in the shops and restaurants were really fucking attractive. If you want details ask me or comment. I'll find a way to get back to you. But for now I'm going to finish unpacking and get something to eat. More tonight <3

Photograph from Locals Only

Pardon me, what's the meaning of the dreams?

I'm off to New Buffalo. I know Michigan doesn't sound exciting but I'll see family I only see once a year, get some sun, and get out of this fucking town. I'm finished packing. And we'll be heading out tomorrow morning. I won't be bringing my computer and even if I did I'd be too busy to write anything. So I hope everyone has a great week. I'll try to post as soon as I get home next wednesday.

Photograph by Bobby Whigham

More obsessions and inspirations.

Looking more like she just fell out of a copy of Alice In Wonderland than graduated from The Brits School, music's new ingenue Polly Scattergood is a curious prospect. There's none of the sass we have come to expect from Brits alumni like Amy Winehouse and Adele, but she possesses an adventurous musicality, crafting pop tunes as limpid and fresh as her baby blues.

I really need to start writing my own descriptions... Well here's this weeks favorite for me. Like I said in a previous post I have one person I listen to nonstop for at least a week then move on. And Polly Scattergood is just to good to resist. Her sweet voice along with lyrics such as You'll have the ride of your life underneath these pink fluorescent lights make her irresistible. Make sure to check this girl out. I mean how can you go wrong with indie pop?

No sir, there is no love left in here.

Another obsession that's there but I can't really describe why is The Real World and NYC Prep. They've taken over my summer evenings.

Now onto the inspiration. So I always have photographers I look at and get ideas from but the photos from this blog have blown me away. They may not have crazy photoshop elements or extensive sets but they have impact. With minimalist backgrounds and bold poses I've now discovered what I want my work to aspire to be. This sounds insane but this blog has given me hope that my dreams in the photography field aren't a total waste. Meet I Love Fake

To be quit honest I have no fucking clue what the photographer's name is. I don't even know their gender. But I know their photography is something only a few people can do. Making art out of what seems like nothing. A person, hipster clothing, and an empty room.

Update: Photographer's name is Jolijn Snijders

Aggressive puppies and starbucks.

I'm currently packing. Yes I know I leave on friday. But I plan on getting no sleep tonight and knowing I won't be up tomorrow I figure I might as well get it done. This year I thought I'd pack light. I'm really not that high maintenance even though everyone thinks I am. So after packing as little as possible I realized one thing... this suitcase is fucking massive. Why did I ever think I needed this much room? And on top of that all the duffle bags I found could easily fit the suitcase in it with room to spare. This family does not know the meaning of less is more. So so much for that. Maybe when I'm in chicago I'll get a vintage weekender bag for future excursions. Until then I'll search the attic for anything that might do.

To be quit honest I don't really want to go to Michigan. I do want to get away but I'm afraid that it might not be the same. Without the usual family there and no beach house. Whatever. I'll make the most of it. And it is a good opportunity to finally get some reading done and try out my polaroid.

On another note... I went out with the lovely Rachael today. We ate at Panera and sat outside of Starbucks. Talking about relationships, unattractive learner's permit photos, and other random shit I can't even remember over an iced mocha and chai soy something. Of course we also had to go to Petland. And as soon as we walked in the first thing I saw was the dog I've always wanted asleep in the first crate. Which happens to be a bull terrier. I asked the guy to see him and he gave me look of frustration knowing I wouldn't be buying anything. It didn't really look like he had anything better to do though. So we get in the little room, and this dog is fucking insane. He teethed like you wouldn't imagine and jumped on everything. Which means he's perfect. So after I was finished being malled by an eight pound puppy we went to see a movie. Which seems to be our new thing. I don't even like movies.

That's all for now. Expect some really random post tonight. I'm looking for something good to write about <3

Static on the hotel intercom.

One of the most underrated indie pop outfits that sadly broke up in 2005, the band My Favorite were the last of New York's true cult heroes, elusive and enigmatic stars of the secret history. They crawled from the suburbs of Long Island to the battered boroughs of New York City, all the while managing to belong nowhere. They created pop songs that feel like films, casting as heroes the misfits, hipsters and monsters of modern life. Beneath shimmering walls of guitars, synthesizers, and melodicas, beat the burning heart of a new wave dream gone wrong. They proposed that our strange age is worth remembering. They redeemed us by caring.

The only words to describe My Favorite. So I had heard a few songs from them a while back. But just recently started to explore more of their albums and lyrics. And all I have to say is... fucking genius. It's so sad to know that a band this amazing is no longer making music. But that might be what makes them so appealing. Knowing that when they ended they almost closed an era. They were the last of their time.

There are grey skies in our blue eyes, but this is not a protest song. This is just static on the hotel intercom, softer than dust and louder than bombs. And the world's not ours tonight in a Berlin flat lit by neon lights. My boyfriend's in the stairwell, he looks just like James Dean, and nothing else matters when you're 17. And the German boys sing, and the German boys talk. Some kids have plans to rule the world, some kids have plans to run away. And you do what you can or you do what you must at the door of the punk rock club, at work at the factory. And the world won't end tonight on a black highway lit by neon lights. My boyfriend's in the driver's seat, he drives just like James Dean, and nothing else matters when you're 17. And the German boys sing, and the German boys talk. Some kids have plans to rule the world, some kids have plans to run away. And you do what you can or you do what you must at the door of the punk rock club, at work at the factory. There are gray skies in our blue eyes, but this is not a protest song.

Photograph by I Love Fake

If I close my eyes then maybe I won’t feel.

I got up late again today. Threw on some old clothes. Washed my face. And here we are. I've just been on the computer all day organizing files and downloading free music. Some productive shit. Hopefully I'll be going to Panera tomorrow to meet up with Rachael. I need to see her before I leave for Michigan. We'll probably just get coffee and talk about things that no other person would deem important. But that's what I love most. Yesterday wasn't one of my best. Whether it was sleep deprivation or just carelessness on my part. But after my daily dose of reality television, supportive friends, and a newfound crush. I think things are starting to look up...

No plans for tonight. So unless the new Bravo lineup takes all my attention I might post again. Until next time <3

Photograph by I Love Fake

Don't forget to cry at your own burial.

Misery is all we know lately. Saturday's are all the same. Sympathy is overrated. Like a snapshot when you've lost the game.

I'm better. I'm not going to describe what happened. I'm not going to vent to an empty room. I just wish relationships were easier to come by. And on top of that easier to keep. This is what I get for thinking things could actually work. This is what I get for thinking someone like me deserved love. Maybe the one isn't in my future. Maybe I'll be a floater like Lauren. Growing with every break up and new relationship. And dying with all these experiences but most likely alone. Summer's never work out how you think they will. I don't know why I thought this one would be any different.

Basically. I'm tired of bickering with my parents. I'm tired of getting disappointing news. I'm tired of people living up their summers while I'm stuck with shit. I'm tired of being reminded what I haven't done. I'm tired of people thinking I'm going to do anything for them. I'm tired of questioning. I really just want to drive away. Now. Just get a fucking car throw some clothes in a suitcase and drive away as far away as possible. I don't care what comes next. I'll deal with that when it happens. But that's definitely not an option.

I guess all I can do now is hope for something better...

Depressing posts suck. I promise this won't happen often.

A simple post until I have something more interesting to blog about?

Yes.

Listen to these:

Feel. Love. Thinking. Of. - Faunts

Holiday in Congo - Rainbow Arabia

Short Fuse - Black Lips

Paper Cities - Other Lives

Nitrogen Pink - Polly Scattergood

Read these:

Hipster Sister

Mascara and Rum

Le Fashion

Look at these:

MGM Photography

Michelle Pathe

An abundance of catherine

Research these:

Mika Ninagawa

West Hollywood apartments

Finger tattoos

And have a nice day <3

Isn't life under the sun just a crazy dream?

It's always been in the back of my mind. I mean I've at least known that I'm not going to be in this fucking town after I graduate. But the future was always up in the air. The idea of where that place would be drifted from Los Angeles to Brooklyn to Manhattan and back to Los Angeles. But now it's set. That idea is becoming a reality. And I'm fucking stoked.

Today Rachael came over. And while laying on my bed in the fluster of conversation about absolutely nothing she mentioned California. A few months ago in one of our many facebook conversations we talked about the schools we wanted to go to. Both conveniently in LA. I think as soon as that was established we had one of those telepathic moments where we both were thinking the same exact thing. We'll move out to California. Together.

So when she brought it up again today we started to seriously think about it. Research expenses online. Determine where we hope to be. And start our very informal California fund. Conveniently located in an old shoebox with eighteen dollars and a fuck load of change. And thats when I knew. This shit was actually going to happen. Los Angeles isn't just a dream now. It's happening. Of course it's going to take some serious work. I know I'm going to have to bust my ass. For the money and the grades. But I'm willing to make it happen. Even if I have to sleep on the floor of our studio apartment. Get three jobs. And sell almost everything I own. Because knowing that my dream is becoming reality through this whole process. Makes it all worth it.

In the summer of 2012 look out for two soon to be californians driving cross country in an old SUV. With the dreams of something we've always wanted. And the knowing that it's finally happening.

Let's hope we don't blow everything on concerts and tattoos...

Photograph by Bobby Whigham

A simple kind of life.

I have to blog while everything is still fresh in my mind.

So all I have to say is wow. As you know tonight I was at the No Doubt concert here in Indianapolis with a friend of mine. I was a little skeptical. I was never a big fan of No Doubt and I heard Gwen Stefani on Mtv and that sort of thing. So I didn't expect to like it so much. But I did. The show was fucking amazing. Everything in their performance went perfectly together. I wish I could describe it to you in a better way. Some of the highlights I suppose... Them playing my favorite song Rocksteady in their encore. Gwen singing a song which I can't remember and at the line I always thought I'd be a mom starting to cry. Which is something I don't think I'll ever forget. It made her seem so real and on all of our levels. Lastly the fact that she went in the pit twice and brought a fan on stage to dance and take a photo with them. All of that and more just made tonight a lot more than I expected it to be. So I know this whole paragraph makes me sound like a total fan, but I think now I am. No Doubt is the shit.

For a long time I was in love. Not only in love, I was obsessed. With a friendship that no one else could touch. It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells. And all I wanted was the simple things. A simple kind of life. And all I needed was a simple man. So I could be a wife. I'm so ashamed, I've been so mean. I don't know how it got to this point. I always was the one with all the love. You came along, I'm hunting you down. Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight. And all I wanted was the simple things. A simple kind of life. If we met tomorrow for the very first time. Would it start all over again? Would I try to make you mine? I always thought I'd be a mom. Sometimes I wish for a mistake. The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get. You seem like you'd be a good dad. Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life. How'd I get so faithful to my freedom? A selfish kind of life. When all I ever wanted was the simple things. A simple kind of life

On another note I think I just okayed a virus to destroy my computer... fuck my life.