It's complicated.

Originally a facebook note from forever ago of sixteen things most people don't know about me. I edited some and am changing it to twenty.

1) I always ask people the question "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" when I'm trying to get to know them. And over the many question games I've played and had this also asked to me I've realized that mine is constantly changing. With the only common factor being that I want to do something with photography. It's what I love. I may not be where I want to be right now. But that's okay. Because I'm trying. And if I keep working I'll make it. I know it.

2) I want to learn. As much as possible. I'm afraid of being like the people on "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?". Forgetting almost everything I've spent 16 years learning once I graduate from college. I want to be Cash Cab smart until I'm eighty.

3) J'aime parler francais. It's goal of mine to eventually be fluent. And although it may not benefit me as much in the states that's not really a concern of mine. I can't imagine speaking anything else.

4) Reading is something I'm really into. It puts me somewhere else. Away from all this bull shit that constantly is happening around us. I can get lost for hours. And unlike television or a movie that I'm just watching on a screen when I read I feel somewhere else. At peace. And with my life I need that.

5) Don't take a lot of what I say seriously. If you did you'd probably be on anti-depressants. Because sometimes I forget the just kidding part.

6) I would love to visit Iceland. I've destroyed this travel book I bought a little while back trying to dissect and comprehend everything I could possibly need to know. It's beautiful. Quaint. Everything I would normally hate but for some can only appreciate in this Narnia of the North Atlantic.

7) I'm ready to fall in love. But more importantly, to be loved just as much, to feel important, and to have a first kiss with the perfect one.

8) When I'm online and really bored. After I've exhausted Urban Outfitters website and the SocialVibe forums I just keep refreshing the Facebook home page waiting for something to happen...

9) I decide whether you're worth getting to know the first time I meet you. It's something I need to work on.

10) I'm a reality/celebreality television junkie. Having been graced with it every monday and sunday night which I'm sure has rotted a nice portion of my brain. But the spitting, plate throwing, slapping, yelling, and drinking is what I've come to know and love. Flavor Flav I thank you for Flavor of Love. God bless you.

11) The main thing I apsire for in my life is peace. Within myself and with people I meet everyday. Because I think once I achieve that everything else in my life will just fall into place.

12) I'm really interested in anything that is the mid twentieth century.

13) I collect the most random things in my wallet. Fortunes from fortune cookies, starbucks receipts only, and business cards of artists and galleries I'll never get in touch with.

14) I'm not much of a people person. I'm reserved, awkward, and just unsociable. I enjoy listening to music, reading about famous people, and daydreaming. I don't like talking the phone because it makes me flustered. I hate public speaking because I'm not used to being the center of attention. I'm not outgoing because I'm afraid of being judged. I wasn't always this way. Somewhere for some reason something in me changed and the over active ten year old that would talk to anyone turned into a sixteen year old that won't start a conversation with someone he doesn't know.

15) I'd like to live in Los Angeles. It's fake. It's trashy. It's commercial. It's superficial. And I love it.

16) Along with social interaction I lost all self confidence a long time ago. I don't look into anything with a reflection without noting yet another flaw or imperfection. Past infatuations, internet romances, friendships, and voices of strangers have taught me that I am imperfect. I am flawed. I'm not good enough. I'm not saying this for pity. I don't need pity. I don't want pity. It's just the sad truth. Always forever I will have something I can work on to make myself look better for someone else. When I get ready in the morning it's to impress them. When I get ready in the morning it's to look better in their eyes. I don't do much for me anymore. I don't know if I know how.

17) I envy sex and drug addicts, patients with mental illnesses, so on and so forth. Only because I feel like I would need some kind of mental breakdown for people to realize that I'm not okay.

18) I don't need cocaine, cigarettes, or vodka. I have venti soy mochas from Starbucks.

19) I'd like to photograph beautiful people in expensive clothing for a living. I may not be the best, but I've had far too many people tell me that I have a lot of potential to give this up so easily.

20) As upset, fragile, or vulnerable as I may seem, I'm just a person with depth. I feel, I experience, and I grow, in different and awkward ways. I'm making it as best I can day by day. Hoping for the best. That one day someone will come along and love me for me. That someday I'll be doing what I'm passionate about. That someday I'll live somewhere where it's warm all the time. That someday I'll be happy. Someday.