The music was blaring, and she couldn’t make out the words, but that didn’t matter. She stood in the middle of the crowd, lights flashing beneath her feet, hands up in the air, and bleached hair flowing over her shoulders as she slowly perspired under her dress. It was as if she was in a trance. The neon lights blurred her vision and she could only make out vague figures on the dance floor, all of them in the same trance. She smiled to herself because for the first time in a long time, she was happy. The alcohol made everything better. In a swift moment someone grabbed her hand and shook her into consciousness. The smile left her face as she realized where she was. Her friend Drea was screaming over the music but Ada couldn’t make out any of the words. Looking defeated Drea squeezed her hand and slowly led her out of the club and into the chilly DC night, music fading behind them. A strong wind came from a back ally onto the street and blew Ada’s hair in her face. She grimaced as the cold stung her soft skin and threw on an old flight jacket. Tugging it tight to her body and embracing it’s musty smell. They walked down the streets illuminated by yellow citibank lights. The city was at peace, still, and they were alone. A cab sped by on there right, and the silence was broken. Drea started to ramble.
“I can’t believe you can even walk… You drink way too much Ada… School is going to be rough tomorrow… Did you even study for our exam…”
The words meant nothing to Ada. She was busy with other thoughts. Lately petty teenage problems such as school, studying, and relationships had bothered her less and less. Earlier that week Ada stumbled into a quaint bookstore on an older side of town. An exterior of chipped blue paint and an interior filled with stacks upon stacks of leather-bound books. She couldn’t believe they were even for sale. While carelessly browsing the collection of old novels and philosophical accounts something in particular caught her eye. She took it off the shelf and blew the thick layer of dust away from the binding. It read, An Extensive View of Reincarnation: A Hindu Concept. Ada remembered some classes that briefly mentioned the topic, and her family was of course Christian, but she bought the book anyway and had been reading it ever since. It was almost instinct. She loved the basic idea of reincarnation, which is basically the belief that some essential part of a living being survives death to be reborn in a new body. Ada felt that with this, she could start over. If this reincarnation process was truly the process, which she believed it was, she could start over as someone else. Ada thought fate brought her to the book. Fate let her know the grass was truly greener on the other side.
“Are you even listening to me Ada?” Drea asked helplessly.
Ada snapped out of her daydream and turned to look at Drea.
Drea smirked at her, “You’ve got a lot going for you, Ada. I know you don’t think so, but you’ve got a smile that lights up a whole room. You’re something special. Everything is going to look up. I promise.”
She didn’t say exactly what she was thinking but, Ada knew better than anyone what she was referring to. Earlier that year her parents could put on the show no longer; the love story of two DC socialites that fell in love and got married. It seemed fitting. Everyone believed they were the perfect couple. Heck, they even convinced themselves that, but Ada knew the truth. It was all a class act. Everyone around them pressured the couple, convincing them they were perfect for each other. There were never any true feelings there. Ada saw that, but for some reason the news of a divorce came as a surprise to her. Her mom broke the news to her over a cup of coffee, and Ada only responded with a simple “oh”. Her family already owned two homes. As long as Ada could stay in the city and go out nightly she was content. After a long custody battle over her and every inch of the things they owned Ada ended up with her mother in their DC townhouse. She was satisfied.
“We’re here Ada,” Drea said.
Ada looked up from the concrete to Drea’s gentle smile.
“It’s been fun,” Drea attempted to make conversation.
“Yeah… always,” Ada responded.
They hugged for the longest time while Ada inhaled whiffs of Drea’s familiar perfume. They let go, and she walked up the old steps to her townhouse. Drunkenly fumbling with her keys, she finally got one in the hole and managed to open the door. As she walked in she could hear Drea’s heels making their way down the street. She hoped she’d be okay by herself. She passed the living room on her way up the staircase to her mom passed out on the couch with an empty wine glass lying on the floor, something she had become very used to since the divorce. Without another thought she climbed the stairs to her bedroom. It was a very nice home with expensive antiques, minimalist colors, and perfectly matching accessories. Ada hated every inch of it. It was everything she wasn’t, which is why she found her room a sanctuary in a home of everything fake and made up. No one dared, not even the maids, step foot in her room, with an unmade vintage looking floral print bedspread, clothes strewn everywhere, the rug on a distressed brown wooden floor raised in places, random art crookedly hanging on the walls, and stacks of old books. To most it would seem like a total wreck, but everything was artfully placed where Ada thought it fit best. By now she had changed from a form fitting cocktail dress to an oversized tank top and boy shorts. With her long hair pulled back off her face and no makeup on, she lied in bed and stared at the ceiling. She couldn’t sleep and hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since earlier that summer. Without both parents in the house Ada found she had less and less supervision. She went out practically every night, finding friends in vodka and anyone that took advantage of her. She was reaching rock bottom. And what is rock bottom for any disoriented daughter of a socialite? Rehab. But Ada had other plans, and rehab wasn’t one of them. She didn’t want to leave better but knowing who she once was and all that baggage. After the encounter with the book on reincarnation, she felt it was the perfect solution. What she’d been looking for for a long time. Ada could start over new, and that’s just what she planned on doing. She crawled out of bed and walked to her window. The sill was just large enough for her to sit comfortably, which is exactly what she did. With her hand she traced an area in the frost-covered glass to see out of. Lights shown above all the other town houses creating a soft glow that gave light to all the individual flakes of snow falling from a black sky onto the still streets below. It was breathtaking. Tears started to well under her eyes. She knew it was her time to move on. She was ready. She felt complete.
When Ada woke up the morning after the sun was glaring through the small window casting scattered pools of light all over the room, one of those spots conveniently located over her face. She sat up and rubbed them until she could finally see straight. The alarm clock read 2:46 and she was sixty percent sure it was a Wednesday. Upon walking downstairs she found the living room where her mom had passed out the night before all tidied up. After sipping the rest of her coffee and carefully picking at the manicure she had received two days before, she decided to call up her old friend, Cohen. Ada just got his voicemail and remembered that he had class until four. It turned out to be Wednesday. Leaving the brown stained mug and nail clippings on the table for the maid to get, she went upstairs to get ready, which only consisted of throwing on a white wife beater and black floral skirt. The hair was fine messy. She always made it work at the last minute anyway. By the time she was finished with that and had read an old Vogue magazine it was 4:12. Cohen picked up the phone this time and said he’d go their straight from campus. It’d be around ten minutes. The door was already unlocked so Cohen let himself in and opened the door to her room with Ada resting on the windowsill. The noise startled her and she almost fell. Cohen laughed and Ada just giggled. He went to lay down on her bed running his fingers through his coarse hair. Ada felt so comfortable around him. She knew he was the one person she would miss most.
“So what do you need?” He asked matter-of-factly.
“Do I have to need anything?” She asked as she walked over to the small bed and jumped on top of him. He grunted at the sudden pressure on his chest.
They stayed up in Ada’s room all afternoon and into the evening, creating organized piles of clutter, reading, and drinking coffee that the maid brought up for them every two hours. The sun finally set and once the lights came out to see the city just as they had the night before Cohen declared it was probably time for him to get going. Ada told him to stay; she had something he’d like to see.
“It better be good,” he answered.
Ada took Cohen by the hand leading him out of her room and up a back staircase that led to the roof. She let him out first and stuck one of her flats in between the door and wall as not to get them locked out in the chilly DC night. Cohen stood still and watched Ada make her way to the ledge of the building, placing all her weight onto her forearms and leaning out as if she was getting ready for flight. He joined her and looked out at the landscape. It was DC. She knew it wasn’t anything new to him, but for some reason that night the city looked different, and she knew he saw it too. They stood there in silence for a long time looking at the place they would remember for the rest of their lives. Snow started to fall, gently but surely.
“It’s getting late Ada,” Cohen pointed out.
“You can go now, I just wanted you to see this with me,” she answered.
He looked out again and inhaled a deep breath, “It’s beautiful.”
“It’s our life,” Ada went on, “we were born here, we cried here, we loved here, we experienced life here, and someday we’ll die here.”
Cohen looked at her quizzically, responding with a simple “yeah.”
Ada looked up toward the sky, and snowflake fell on her nose. She closed her eyes and smiled. Everything felt right, until the thoughts of heartache and lonesome came rushing back to her. But she couldn’t show it on her face to Cohen. She didn’t want him to suspect anything, so she left the smile on. When she opened her eyes Cohen was looking at her. He laughed, and the two just smiled at each other. Getting on her tiptoes, Ada kissed him lightly on the cheek. He was startled by the gesture but still found it sweet and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She dug her face into his chest and they stood like that for what seemed like forever. Cohen having to practically pry himself away from her laughed and said “Ada, it’s not like I’ll never see you again. Just call me tomorrow, and we’ll do this again.”
“If only I could,” she thought to herself.
They said their final goodbyes and Cohen made his way to the staircase door. Halfway there he turned to look at her, “You coming?”
“I’ll go down in a minute. I want to stay up here a little bit longer,” she said.
Cohen stared at her with the look on his face struggling to find the right words. He sighed to himself and with a defeated look told Ada to have a good night. She stayed up there for what seemed like eternity. No one bothered looking for her - neither her mom nor one of the maids. Even if they had, the roof was the last place they would of thought to check. Ada had it all to herself. Snow was still falling. A flake gently fell on her eyelash. It was time, she thought to herself. Ada clumsily threw one foot onto the ledge she was leaning on the moment before and hoisted the rest of her body with it. Now standing tall on the townhouse roof, she looked over a city of white marble and concrete illuminated by a soft yellow glow. She took her right leg and let it hover over the edge. Now only one leg left her up there, safe from the fall. Without another thought she casually took the leg and stepped off of the edge. The weight of her body tilted itself so that she was now looking at the glowing sky, snowflakes falling everywhere. She closed her eyes, and she smiled.
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